--- title: 'My First Psychiatric Appointment' url: 'https://www.merryquinn.com/posts/my-first-psychiatric-appointment' markdown: 'https://www.merryquinn.com/posts/my-first-psychiatric-appointment.md' date: '2026-02-01' description: "As I promised in my article about sleep, today I will be talking more about my ADHD. Prologue I'll start with a little bit of backstory. The first time I started really thinking there might be something genuinely wrong with me was the day I graduated high school. I have no fucking idea how I pulle…" taxonomy: tag: - ADHD --- # [My First Psychiatric Appointment](https://www.merryquinn.com/posts/my-first-psychiatric-appointment) 1st Feb 2026 [ADHD](https://www.merryquinn.com/posts/tag:ADHD#body-wrapper) ![PXL_20260128_104450318.webp](https://www.merryquinn.com/images/e/c/1/d/7/ec1d7e6ea005f7a54552a5bd3e218379f939b85b-pxl20260128104450318.webp) As I promised in my article about [sleep](https://www.merryquinn.com/posts/sleep), today I will be talking more about my ADHD. # Prologue I'll start with a little bit of backstory. The first time I started **really** thinking there might be something genuinely wrong with me was the day I graduated high school. I have no fucking idea how I pulled that one off, but somehow, I picked all the questions and topics I knew pretty well. I'll write about how I (almost didn't) graduate in a separate post also because I believe this could be pretty interesting to some of you. So, I finished all the presentations, oral exams, quizzes, and whatnot. I passed, with decent grades even. I went home, and my parents went out to eat or something. Not entirely sure, but I remember them not being home at the time. My dad probably just dropped me off at home, and Mom was still at work. I went into my bedroom, took off my blazer, threw it on my bed, and lay on the floor. A message from my classmate (and a dear friend at the time) popped up on my phone saying something like "We did it bro!". I replied with a simple "GG". Then I placed the phone next to me, and I zoned out for at least an hour. At the time, there wasn't a point in my life where I’d hit that kind of exhaustion. What happened next was 2 months of pure void. My parents granted me that last summer break after high school. I didn't have to worry about anything but finding a job. Most days of those 2 months were spent like this: - Wake up - Have a quick, forced wank - Doomscroll Instagram for an hour - Eat *something* - Boot up PC - Play Astroneer while watching Dexter - Eat lunch - Brush my teeth (if I felt fancy) - Play Hitman 2 while watching BrBa - Eat dinner - Brush my teeth - Play Veloren with my online friend while watching YouTube - Kill PC - Quick doomscroll sesh on Instagram - Goodnight wank - Go to bed at an ungodly hour (optional) That's it. Nothing else apart from the occasional *going outside* with my parents. The days blurred together. I had no healthy routine or regimen, I lost all sense of time and self, I was just **dopamine maxxing**. # Clarity That was the first time I *noticed* something might not be right. The second time when everything clicked was shortly after I started my current job. It was late November of 2024, and my favorite fitness *influencer*, Dr. Mike Israetel, released a video called [My Battle With Crippling ADHD](https://youtu.be/4p3ly0xnxWE). I used to watch him heavily during my "gym tryhard era" at his [Renaissance Periodization](https://www.youtube.com/@RenaissancePeriodization) channel. I discovered his personal one sort of by accident, and the video about his ADHD was one of the first ones I watched. After finishing that video, I cried. I cried a lot. I sobbed, and I wheezed. I felt seen. I wasn’t alone anymore. After that, another void period happened. I now knew what was wrong with me and what needed fixing, but I didn't act on it. My brain simply filed it under the "This matters, but we'll deal with it later" folder and went on to suffer another 10 months. # Talking to my General Practitioner In late September of 2025, I had my regular yearly checkup with my GP. This was the time I finally had the vocabulary to say out loud > I'm not okay and I need help. I described to her all my symptoms and how I felt. She didn't interrupt me, she didn't downplay anything I said. She simply replied with "While I cannot formally diagnose you, everything you’ve said makes sense and points towards ADHD. I’ll give you a referral. Contact this specialist, a lot of my younger patients like yourself rate her positively." Referral in hand, I’d surely go to a psychiatrist next, right? Nope. I waited until December to book the appointment. The 19th of December was the day I finally picked up the phone and called her office. I got an appointment scheduled for the 28th of January, and now it was just a waiting game. # The appointment I took the whole day off. I didn't really feel like going back to the office after I served my brain on a silver platter. To some stranger. Besides, I don't vibe with the idea of my employer knowing I'm visiting a psychiatrist in the first place. The appointment was scheduled for 11 am, and despite having ample time to get ready, I still managed to leave the house late. Whatever, I managed to arrive on time. I sat down in the waiting room and waited for my name to be called. > **Nurse:** Mr. █████? Yup, that's me. I got up and followed her into the *intake room*. The intake process was quite thorough. The nurse asked me about everything. Who's my GP, where and what I studied, where and in which field I work, if this is my first time seeing a psychiatrist, my allergies, and if I ever broke a bone (this one caught me off guard the most). With formalities out the way, she sent me back to the waiting room. About 2 minutes later I heard my name again > **Dr.:** Mr. █████, please come in. I got up and thought to myself *"Okay, this is it. Act natural"*. I was still a bit under the impression that I needed to both look composed and *sick enough* to be taken seriously. I was nervous as fuck. > **Dr.:** Good afternoon Mr. █████, my name is █████. What brings you in today? I see from your referral that you seem to struggle with attention, task initiation and completion, is that right? > > **Me:** Yes, that's exactly it. I came here today to find out if I might have ADHD or anything else. And the interrogation began. She asked me a few supplementary questions and built upon a few of the ones I answered with the nurse. She asked me about things like - Are you currently in any relationship? - Do you have any friends, and if so, how many? - How's your relationship with your mother? - How's your relationship with your father? - What's your sexual orientation? Some of them I expected. Some of them I didn’t. I answered them all honestly. After that, she asked me to tell her more about why I think I have ADHD. > **Me:** Okay, do you want me to talk or would you prefer asking me questions? > > **Dr.:** Talk about whatever is on your mind. And talk I did. I told her everything I could remember. My story mainly revolved around my early struggles with learning at school. But I also touched on topics like social exclusion, difficulty making and maintaining friendships throughout my entire life. I talked about my inability to connect with people around me. I talked about the permanent sense of exhaustion. And the incredible cost of starting virtually any task. I talked for about 30-40 minutes straight. After I finished, she looked at me and said something I would never expect a psychiatrist to say ever. > **Dr.:** Well, **you self-diagnosed pretty well.** You've developed a lot of coping mechanisms which kept you going, and I would highly advise you don't get rid of them. If you'd like, I can prescribe you some medication. > > **Me:** I believe I've done everything in my power to stay above water. I'm open to medication. And that was the end of the session. It was that "easy". I got a prescription for a 2 month supply of Atomoxetine, and went on my merry way. I will do a follow-up post about the medication itself later. While I have already gotten to experience the effects of the medication. It would be unfair to judge it 4 days in. I plan to write the next post sometime between one and two weeks from now. --- ### Music I enjoyed recently - [Смерти Больше Нет](https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=9gystLQgu4I) by IC3PEAK - [GHOSTTOWN](https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=Ap-3QsypJVw) by Actek, Röhlix, E·F·N - [Black](https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=NFHHjFHHAeU) by GAZIROVKA - [Медуза](https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=mRyuWVDSLvU) by MATRANG - [Тает лёд](https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=mzsqGIj20mo) by Грибы - [На грани болевого порога](https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=I86xZM8C1r0) by Планка - [Boom, Boom, Boom, Boom!!](https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=gM65SDMiXBE) by Vengaboys - [Подруга](https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=zi41eM2YD7Y) by Пропаганда - [Попрошу тебя](https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=ekDWsZv0riI) by Вирус - [Мой мармеладный (Я не права)](https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=-6FVlmWaoQI) by Катя Лель - [Мелом](https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=OaXj5OMqYtE) by Пропаганда --- ## Navigation - Parent: [Posts](https://www.merryquinn.com/posts.md) - Previous: [Default superpowers](https://www.merryquinn.com/posts/default-superpowers.md) - Next: [My New Year's resolutions for 2026](https://www.merryquinn.com/posts/2026-resolutions.md)